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THE EPILOGUE: CELEBRATE YOUR FRIENDS
I have throughout my life had some of the most wonderful friends. I've moved around, lived in different countries but somehow wherever I have landed I seem to meet the most exceptional folks and they have welcomed me into their lives. There have been times where I have been forced to admit that I must be alright because why else would these fantastic people be friends with me? A lot of people have wonderful families that raised them with love and laughter and grew up in warm homes and that has to be amazing. That was not my life so it was critical that the family I chose the community that I got to be a part of was so supportive and that's what happened. They have encouraged me, supported me, advised me, listened to many real time after rants, showered me with praise and affection and inspired me to be a better man.
I rarely leave the house so it can be quite a challenge to get me to participate in social functions. Also, I can cause conflicts with my strong food and beverage opinions. "Don't call this wine smooth, you're a smart person find a better descriptor." Can I let someone enjoy a thing in peace? Sometimes. Lucky for me, my people have not surrendered on me, I still get invited and checked on. During the pandemic because we were slammed daily, I put myself into quarantine, so I just went straight home from work every day until they made the vaccine. I had zoom calls, phone calls, and lots of texts from the people that love me making sure i was okay. I would have lost my mind otherwise.
Friendships are beautiful relationships that have been developed and cultivated. They are maintained by mutual growth and support. My brother was already part of the family when I was born. That is about all we have in common is our last name. I know lots of people that love their brothers and sisters with all of their heart and they trust them deeply. I think that's wonderful and I'm jealous. I had to go out and find my people and that's exactly what I did. They don't all know each other because they are spread out all over the place but I imagine if their was a gathering they would get along quite well.
Friends will come in and out of your life due to a large number of reasons, that's just part of life. It is rare that it was anything negative, it is more often a series of benign reasons like they moved, they changed jobs, and the effort that it takes to keep it going was reduced by one or both parties. Personally, there is a long list of folks that could text me today and I would be delighted to hear from them and I'm still rooting for them to have wonderful lives. I don't need a formal letter to be reactivated, I remain open and they all live in a warm place in my brain and heart. It is always a great feeling when someone reaches out and reconnects even if it is just for a birthday or a random thought they had about you.
People can argue about the purpose and meaning of life until they die, but for me it is to celebrate my friends and help people. Last night Shontelle sent me a form to fill out for her daughter and that's what I did immediately. She knew that she could count on me and that's why she asked me. We all have people in our lives that make us answer twenty questions before they hand you a pen and those are people I cannot be friends with. I don't need blind loyalty and you are not going to get a call from me at 2 am. These are not transactional relationships with leverage and points or whatever you want to call it. We are all in this by choice and can leave if we need to leave. One day I was in the middle of arguing with a stranger and realized that I just didn't have the time or energy for that. It just wasn't how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. Last night, I ordered my friend Piatra a bottle of wine because we are going to have a zoom wine meeting sometime tomorrow and I remembered that she had not tried Tapatio Reposado yet (highly recommend) so I ordered that too because I love her and I can afford it. Turns out she was having a rough day and was delighted to get an order confirmation email. Did I need to use that money on a better bottle of mezcal for my bar? No. Could I have also just sent her a little message letting her know how much she means to me? Yes. I sent Melissa some fancy chocolates to celebrate her listening party. She has worked so very hard to make this album and she loves chocolate and was very unlikely to get herself fancy chocolates but one hundred percent deserved some!
I'm not telling everyone to run out and buy all of your friends booze and chocolate but really why not? My advice is only to make sure they all know how much they mean to you and how thankful you are that they in your life. Even if the only emotions you present tend to be rage, find a little joy and gratitude in the dusty corner and just do your best. "You make my life better" is an easy one for example. Inside of your mind is probably a short novella of how much you love these people, and you should share a bit of that. It is great that you think and feel it, but they might not know or maybe it was a hard day, week, year, or life and a little sunshine would be great right about now. We are all pretty great at rallying when the shit hits the fan, but you can be supportive anytime. You don't need any special circumstance or reason. You can just do it. We often feel we are bothering people, imposing on them, and no doubt sometimes we are, but that's all part of it. We spend a LOT of time in our own heads and no one has any idea of what kind of circus is going on up there unless we share.
My friends speak Keith Haze so they know the language and short cuts. I don't need to tell them the entire story and all of the background, I can just highlight the main bits. Trying to explain how this brain works to a stranger is an impossible mission. I mean if you have read even one The Boozeletter you know that even in a constrained and organized format my hamsters run all over the place and are quite excited about it! The least I can do in return is to root for them! We could all use some rooting for right? Life has so many challenges that we mostly face alone and a friendly face and some encouragement is a real boost. You might think it is trite, a cliche, or even just understood but so what? Just say it anyway. What is the big risk? I would greatly prefer that my friends never have a doubt in their mind whose side I am on. I like knowing that they know that it all matters to me. Their losing their keys, having a bad hair day, remembering to pack an extra guitar pick, finding a dress with pockets, all of that matters to me. It doesn't matter that I spend about eleven seconds on my own hair daily, if Piatra gets hers just the way she wants it then I'm thrilled for her because she cares a LOT about it.
If you are surrounded a lot of judgy mcjudgersons that are constantly greeting your statements with conflict, disbelief, or negativity you might need to let them go. "Hey Keith, lets go on a killing spree." That's a terrible idea! "Hey Keith, I can't find my coffee cup" Be more careful next time, you always lose everything. Is really not helpful and you might want to ask yourself where that reflex came from and whether or not you are happy with it. I grew up in a house of No so that's where mine came from. If you asked my mom if she wanted a million dollars she would say "No, I mean wait what did you say?" "No, it is too late you said no!" If you asked my dad if he wanted a million dollars he would say "from who, why, how? How much tax will I have to pay on it?" I have to battle these impulses all of the time myself, but I know that I can still be counted on to bring the light when it is needed. In the middle of rant number 547 I can look at my friend and realize that their day has been hard enough without me rage vomiting at them. Marc Maron says you have to have at least two best friends because when you call up one and he has had enough of you, you can say "that's okay, I will call the other and give you the day off."
These great people that we have chosen to spend our lives and time with deserve to be celebrated for showing up and caring. Their dreams should be recognized and cheered for. We can have empathy for them. We can be here to listen to them. We can give them a voice when theirs is struggling or shaky. We can offer them a hand without them even asking for it. We can play along with their jokes, sing songs together, and be a clear and present positive light. I am thankful for all of them, past, present, and future! I can close my eyes and so many wonderful memories will pop into my head of our adventures together. We dealt with tragedies and adversities, and we are still here! So, this Thanksgiving and every single day from now till the end I am grateful for all of my friends! What an incredible group you are! You are brilliant and magical! You inspire me, you lift me up, you support me every single day and I could not do any of this without you! I could've ended up curmudgeon muttering in my beard instead here I am, working at a job i love, I get to write every week, and am surrounded by you lovely people. So very grateful, so in awe, so thrilled to have you in my life! You're the best. I hope you all are at least half as lucky as I am. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Cheers
Keith
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