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THE AFTER RANT: DON'T WASTE MY TIME
Each year I find myself both more and less patient. More patient for folks that are really trying and less patient for people that are wasting my time. For example, you are trying to sell me a new bottle, can, etc that we BOTH know is inferior. I can look at them and say "is this what you drink?" At that point they can lie, or say "no that's really not my thing." You know how I know? Because if they LIKED it they would lead with that. When I stop you in the store it is to talk about what I had yesterday and loved! Do I have sympathy that you went to a sales meeting and were given marching orders to go and sell a pile of crap? Yes I do have some sympathy because I used to live there. Now I live some where much better, I live in no thank you town. My sympathy for your plight of having to hock schlock doesn't equal me trying to foist it on to my customers. There are bottles that absolutely scream "future discount rack item". and in my adventures around the country that's where you find them at stores that did say yes.
I was talking to future Alt Country super star Melissa Engleman last week about how i wish there was a card I could hand someone that said "please answer the question without any nonsense" and if they did it, they could keep the card and then use it on someone else. If they failed I would take the card back and try and find someone else to ask. How wonderful would that be? A world where people could just try their best to answer what was being asked without all of the unneeded garbage that gets heaped on. "Do you know where the nearest oil change place is?" "Do you have a smart phone?" "So you don't know where it is?" "So you don't know how to type that in or speak into the phone?" Which is NOT the same as "how do I look in this shirt?" "Fat, you look really really fat, never wear that again." I have no idea why it is such a challenge for people to answer a question without adding a test, a quiz, a short story, a strong opinion etc. This wasn't my attempt at a conversation. I really just want to know where the bathroom is. We have a finite amount of time on this planet and no one needs or wants to be needlessly kidnapped. Sometimes around twenty seconds in you realize this is a very lonely person who was hoping someone would speak to them and now has a mountain they need to unload on you and again I have more sympathy for that person than for the one who needs to belittle me because I don't know what kind of blank my car has etc. "Four wheel drive?" I shrug and this person has now decided that I should only be allowed to drink from a sippy cup. I don't expect them to know what grapes are used to make Champagne, and even though I don't know for certain I am pretty sure it has nothing to do with what windshield wipers i should be purchasing!
Every single commercial you see is pitching you on total nonsense. I'm not even talking about these obnoxious drug commercials "as you Doctor about phlibathoetan." Where the impairment is somewhat minor and the side effects take longer to list than the rest of the ad! May cause, nausea, swelling of the feet, inflammation of your lower intestine, back pain, and possibly death. I mean there are just two, usually idiots discussing something and the product gets wedged in there and you could not even tell me what the ad was for by the end of it. Samuel Jackson wants me to buy something is all I know. Not that this stuff doesn't work, pulling off the highway to get gas I saw an O'reilly auto parts store and sung in my head Oh oh oh reilly...auto parts! When I'm going to purchase something that I don't know much about I will pick the familiar brand and of course that happens at work all of the time. Don't drink Scotch but I have heard the words Glenlivet so I shall buy that one. And the folks at Coca Cola are not going to make an ad saying "this stuff is going to give you diabetes but first will make you fat, but it has bubbles and is still a treat because when you were a kid you couldn't have any, so here it is, in twenty seven different sizes."
Now their are certainly people that are unprepared for me to answer them directly and swiftly. We are all so used to songs and dances that how could it be that a 60 dollar Scotch recommendation could take less than six seconds (Craigellachie 13)? It must be that I make commission on that one (I don't make commission on anything), or that I'm lying or who knows what they think, but for a lot of people the speed is quite disconcerting. Other people are thrilled, "wow you went right to it!" You can put me on the spectrum if you like, but I think more people would generally prefer less nonsense in their lives. Women offered dessert drinks instead of whiskey, people in casual clothes being dismissed, young people being assumed to be ignorant, and all of the other myriad of ways bs gets slapped onto situations needlessly. Are they people that are going to come with false or even bad intentions? Of course there will be. I just don't want to engage the world always preparing for the worst. I prefer to start with the assumption of honesty and then if it goes sideways, shame on them and I shall respond accordingly. For example, if you ask me I have any Scotch from Campbeltown but you only mean do I have Springbank 12( I don't). Is there a reason for me to list off all of the others when you only care about one? Now I only know bad faith is occurring because of the frequency of particular questions "do you have anything good" means "do I have anything allocated". So I might say now, in response to that query "I think I have lots of good items, but you think I do not." Which is as straightforward as I can possibly be on the topic. No need for any nonsense from either of us. There almost never is.
Try to be a decent person and treat folks with respect and courtesy, they were not the Father that withheld love, the person that cut you off in traffic on the way to work, the ex lover who didn't like your cooking. They are just your fellow person trying to make it through their own lives with all of its many trials and tribulations.
THE EPILOGUE: PROS FROM DOVER
I don't have.a fancy jacket, or even a business card anymore. If you look up Boozologist you will not find it in the dictionary and I've got no paperwork or traditional credentials. I only have the way I behave and the way I carry myself in these situations. A mindset I take with me whenever I travel and do one of my favorite parts of this job. Whether I want to be or not, I'm an ambassador for Don, for South Carolina, and for the retail side of the liquor business each time I go out. I have carved out an excellent reputation not because I've got the best taste buds they have ever seen, but because I bring passion and integrity to all of my picks. We will smile and laugh and share stories and all of that, but it is always clear that I'm here to learn and to bring home a unique and delicious barrel. One that if you accidentally grabbed from you bar would have a signature to it that would make you check the title. That was the goal on my first pick at Jim Beam ten years ago and it is still the goal today.
One of the reasons why Wages gets to join in the work and the fun is that he brings the same attitude with him. I don't have to worry at all about him behaving badly, not paying attention, or not bringing his A game. He always asks great questions and is both excited to be there, thrilled to take the tours, and very invested in finding the right barrel. Then when you add Bartender Baker to the mix the whole thing goes up another level. I can't think of anyone that is well versed in a wide variety of spirits and is able to clearly articulate their taste as she can. A sniff and a sip and she will break that sample down in the most fascinating way. It is a real pleasure to be in the room when it happens! I have during my career run into other groups that make us all look bad and it makes me sad and mad. Smad. No respect for the process, no gratitude for being able to even do this. Getting to even do this is an honor and a privilege! I get in my car and drive out here with both pride and humility. Getting to work with the best in the business, and THEN getting to enjoy the fruits of the labor. Last night sipping on that previous Old Forester pick was just so much fun. I was immediately transported back in time and back to my thought process for that day.
Being in Kentucky and being surrounded by people that care as much as I do is rejuvenating for me. We are on the same page and we are speaking the same language. Not marketing meetings, sales pitches, or any flim flam nonsense at all. Your enthusiasm gets matched when you bring it. When whomever you are talking to or working with sees how excited you are then they join you in that place. They know you are not going to be some arrogant blowhard telling them about THEIR job and we can all just breathe it in and have a great time. I take it all very seriously and in doing so that's how the whole process occurs and feels. The reason I watch Neil Degrasse Tyson chat with other scientist is not just because I learn, but because I love watching the way passionate professionals engage each other. I just try to do my best each and every time out and let my true self appear and shine. The only embarrassment is if I was out here shrugging my way through tring to be "cool" by taking some disaffected attitude. I'm the opposite, when I walk into the rickhouse and get blasted with the best smell on earth I say "wow!" each and every time because it smells so fantastic. The angels share is in the air along with all of that beautiful oak. If you don't get pumped by this, what are you even doing?
None of this ever gets old and I never assume that anyone is going to know me or give me special treatment. I'm grateful for each trip and for each pick. I still get nervous, I still get excited, I still want to go on the tours and see how it is all done. I still feel incredibly lucky to even be here. Last night at Epiphany drinking great drinks and just shooting the shit, that's an awesome evening during an awesome life. Taking the Bardstown Bourbon Company tour with Elizabeth and seeing the whole thing with new eyes and a new voice is fun for me. There was at no point twenty years ago where I imagined that I would be doing this. All I was ever trying to do from the day John Ignowski first got me a gig at Bevmo was try to be great at it. I wanted to try everything, read, ask questions, and the goal was simply to get to a place where I could be useful and not sound like an idiot. Anyone I encounter who has that goal is my people and it does not matter how far along the journey they are, it only matters that they are the real deal. That is what I consider to be a Pro From Dover. We are who you want in the room if you're going to be serious about the thing, You will never have to apologize to us for your enthusiasm and we will not apologize for ours either. An incalculable amount of work went into making the juice that went into that barrel that was built for this and the building you are standing in, and all of the things the person who is working with you had to learn to be there now. It is a situation that deserves your respect and admiration and it makes you feel humble and grateful to be there. If you folks didn't support our many many picks none of this would be possible. Thanks for reading, thanks for both buying these barrels and then telling your friends! I get so many emails and in person thanks for our store picks and it always means a lot. I hope this set will be special to you as well, it is to us.
Cheers Keith
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